Nil Desperandum

Watching – much against my will – an extract from the last X Factor series with a  family member recently I was reminded of an old piece of journalism which caused uproar at the time, but which I have always admired.

In Another Voice, Auberon Waugh’s Spectator column,  he once complained that Bruce Forsyth’s return to TV screens was indicative of the feeble-minded state of a country he now wanted to flee. And by the time the column was in print he had - albeit only to his summer home in France. By comparison, I was only able to flee upstairs for the evening and read a good book.

On Waugh’s return he found a letter from a woman who wrote to say that his reminder of the Forsyth Factor had been the last straw, and that she now intended to kill herself. Waugh quickly wrote to try and offer some solace, but his letter was returned unopened, and he subsequently learnt she had indeed done as she said.

There was outrage when he revealed all this in a subsequent column, but I cannot help admiring the style and dignity of the woman. I am only sad that she felt things were so bad that she couldn’t go on.

For as Waugh concluded: “There are countless horrible things happening all over the country, and horrible people prospering but we must never allow them to disturb our equanimity or deflect us from our sacred duty to sabotage and annoy them whenever possible.”

Sound advice indeed.

By all means, comfort the disturbed if it gives you pleasure. But if your time is limited, first make it your priority to disturb the comfortable.

Style, not culture

Even since my last post, it appears that efforts by the powerful to impose cultural conformity are being stepped up. In fact, on the Isle of Man in 2014 national culture may well become compulsory (see http://www.isleofman.com/News/details/53890/island-of-culture-2014 ,

http://www.gov.im/lib/news/artscouncil/gobackgiveback.xml and

http://www.islandofculture.im/ for example), which is alarming for the civilised in general and individualists in particular.

We should note at once that all those cited as examples of ‘Manx culture’ are actually individuals who, through hard work and talent, have managed to escape it. This tells us all we need to know about the inanity and inconvenience being imposed. To anyone who has lived here, even in recent decades, it is obvious that the first thing the talented or intelligent do upon reaching adulthood and/or getting even the sketchiest off-island job offer is to leave and never return.

The real question, then, might be how those of us who choose to stay and resist can do so without at least meeting the drab host halfway.

Firstly, beware, dear reader, all calls to nation, company, family values or other abstract entities to which we are aligned without our true consent. Calls which, by use of the culture ‘trigger word’, appeal to our civilised nature are a sneakier variant on this, but the irony is that in answering them we would actually shed the last remnants of civility.

We must be constantly vigilant against ‘the Big C’. Always remember that whenever anyone in authority or representing an institution urges others to engage in culture then what they really ask is conformity to a plan drawn up solely for the benefit of those who need to stay in authority.

The remedy lies not in new age twaddle, petty-bourgeois self-improvement or management-speak but in a rigorous mix of self-discipline and detachment. Odd as it sounds, the idle arts are harder to pursue than life as a corporate collaborator, religious zealot, political extremist or other human vegetables whose intellect is indistinguishable from an actual couch-potato.

Consider, for example, the relative difficulties of staring at a TV, computer screen or mobile phone for half an hour and staring at a wall. The first requires only that you switch off your brain and pretend to be working/networking/learning. The second requires a will of iron and the mind control of a zen or yogic master.

Never try the full half hour all at once. Start with no more than five minutes and work up your applied sloth gradually over the months and years in small increments or you may end up in middle management or the civil service.

Ally this to quiet and disciplined reading – the hard or soft sciences, politics, engineering, architecture…. even the arts. The topic hardly matters, just the intent to build serious knowledge of the way the world works - and never because it will improve your job prospects.

Find (even insist on) a time or place with no  aural or visual distractions, and take notes as you read – both to consolidate the knowledge and to suggest further reading.

With time, you will never turn on the TV or a computer screen unless with a fixed purpose and, having achieved it, will turn it off again out of sheer boredom or irritation. An unfortunate side-effect is that you also find the moron-mediacentric conversation of workmates and other compulsory companions more irritating. A strength is that you find it easier to tune out (which in turn makes you calmer in the workplace) and to only tune in when a problem blows up (which, thanks to your increasing in-depth knowledge of the real world, you are far better able to solve).

This will take years of practice. But the true individualist gradually realises he or she is in the elegant ‘anti-lifestyle’ for life. So the more you practice, the less the problem.

Being casual is the greatest conformism of all

"With numbing regularity good people were seen to knuckle under the demands of authority and perform actions that were callous and severe. Men who are in everyday life responsible and decent were seduced by the trappings of authority, by the control of their perceptions, and by the uncritical acceptance of the experimenter's definition of the situation, into performing harsh acts. A substantial proportion of people do what they are told to do, irrespective of the content of the act and without limitations of conscience, so long as they perceive that the command comes from a legitimate authority" Stanley Milgram, 1965

The following ‘corporate communication’ – drearily typical of many such missives – was brought to my attention recently:

‘Dear All,

Following the key communication that was sent out to all key communicators ……. this is a reminder that all Fridays will now be dress down starting tomorrow.

This is to ensure cultural alignment with our other offices across the Group.’

Note in particular that use of the word which drove Herr Goering to violence - in his case for quite the wrong reason, while for us the reason would be right but the response should be less explosive.

This handy example of over-officious inanity does, however, give me an excuse to answer a common query, i.e., how should individualists respond to the ‘Dress Down Friday’ corporate phenomenon?

This may be the most important question of our time. The answer, as ever, is with dignity, good manners and a very straight face.

But in order to reach that conclusion we must first ask who caused the phenomena: the answer to which is that your employer demanded it.

And was this demand because of extensive research and  ‘feedback’  from you and your workmates?

No, it is far more likely that your boss is slipping away for another long weekend’s drinking with fellow misogynists. Being too lazy to change from his business suit, he prefers to come to the office in his golf-clown outfit. He then needs to be seen to have taken a ‘management decision’ rather than being revealed as a rich, inbred slob.

Having established that, many other things become plain. Because there is - in truth - no sadder sight in the modern world than the boss class or their most devoted lickspittles  trying to act cool and casual.

They are the leading contemporary  examples of what the late Derek Jarman used to call “drabs” . This was not just his way of marking out homophobes, but in a wider sense dull, beige people who – unfortunately – control far too much of the world.

And the harder they try to be as one with their employees, customers, electorate and ordinary members of the public in general the more revolting their appearance and behaviour.

Such horrible, petty-minded  people with their fake camaraderie - as if anyone with a gram of taste would wreck their ears and dull their wits being stuck in a pub or on some frightful corporate jolly with them. Boasting how much their cars are worth, pretending knowledge of or interest in sports or family life, playing incessantly with their techno-toys in a desperate attempt to look simultaneously busy and up-to-the-minute……..

Yuk!!

We cannot go along with this enforced slobbery. Because there is nothing voluntary, life-affirming or even progressive about it.

In addition, a brief perusal of any company’s ‘policy statement’ on ‘acceptable casual wear’ reveals little but an attempt to stamp out the last efforts of employees to retain some humanity and individuality in the most awful daily situation they could find themselves in – the workplace.

Who amongst us would want to be as badly dressed as his or her employer, especially when that employer is mis-dressed to crawl around some ghastly plastic  pseudo-pub with other pseudo-people?

So the simplest form of resistance is to ignore it: turn up to work dressed, as usual, in clothes in which you could, if necessary, meet someone deserving of respect – or failing that senior government officials, royalty or international leaders of finance. Then, when you unexpectedly encounter a major foreign potential client or business partner in the car park, enjoy being mistaken for a company director, politely introducing an abomination in badly-fitting polyester as your MD and watching the faces of both parties drop in dismay.

The beauty of such a tactic is that the corporate world is programmed only to deal with insurgency rooted in the real culture of the business world – dishonesty, the avoidance of responsibility, fear of progress, imagination or objective knowledge. The primary fear of any business executive is that a younger, more ruthless clone will lie, cheat and steal his or her way to the MD’s chair. Thus the real business culture within any business culture centres on the attempts of those in power to prevent the young pretenders stealing it. Honest, self-respecting people who seek no power can simply stand aside and watch as these sad and desperate bores attempt to wipe each other out.

‘Management’ has no answer to the mannered rebel who turns up on time, treats colleagues and clients with respect, puts in a full day’s work and then simply goes home and forgets about it.

Resistance, then, rather than being futile is actually quite facile - and fun.